Perhaps it's some strange boomerang mommy karma that gives me the opportunity to read Ayelet Waldman's socially charged and brutally honest book Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace, before it officially hits bookstores this Tuesday, May 5th. This new book grew wings from her highly controversial New York Times essay, Motherlove which met caustic disapproval of the stoic moms hellbent on the idealism of being a perfect mom.

Follow this link to Join us MONDAY, MAY 11th at 12 noon EST:  

Ustream Live Broadcast

For those of you who know me, you've seen my candid, humorous, heartfelt illumination of my being a working mother. It's messy, let me assure you. My two year old just told me to "focus Mommy." In a social networking collaboration, I am linking arms with four other dynamite mothers who share my quest to be a good mother and an acceptance that we'll will never be on the public podium of Perfect Mom. We are a bevy of bold bloggers who want to conjure a conversation with you other mothers and fathers on the subject of parenting. Here's the important mommy topic d'jour.

When reading this passage from this insightful, bittingly funny book about the scrutiny of societal pressure on flawed moms like myself, I heard my voice in Ayelet's:

"I on the other hand, was supposed to be doing this good mother thing, this care-taking thing, this Gymboree and Music together and baby massage thing, but unlike my husband, filling my traditional domestic role didn't make me happy. It didn't feel like I had come into some deeper understanding of what it meant to be a woman and a mother. It just felt like I'd gone astray, that I was stuck in a hole I had dug for myself, a hole I was not supposed to want to escape. And complicating all this was the fact that I loved these children so much. "

Upending the lofty career aspirations of women like me in favor for a diaper-filled, domestic day in stay-at-home motherhood, seems shear madness. When my daughter was born and my (now ex) husband insisted that I opt to stay home, I felt up to the task after the thrill-of-the-kill highs of Sales & Marketing. I approached momness as I do everything, certain that I’d be successful. Little did I know that while I adore my children and earnestly try to be the attentive female pillar my mother was, I would fall short. Daily.

Even as a messy ponytailed youth, I wasn't ever found playing with dolls aping motherhood like my little sister. I was controlling the wind from a rock or unearthing nightcrawlers for an early morning fishing adventure with my brother. Of course, I wanted to have children and to share my life with them. But, the not at the sacrifice of all the other parts of me.

I contemplated the notion of Good Mother. Good Moms were even-tempered, child worshiping, healthy lunch bag carrying beings with a finely tuned calendar full of family planned activities, soccer games, school plays. I found myself like an actress, a Bad Mother in costume, donning the role everyone expected of me. A misfit.

Good mothers simply DO NOT let time slip away from them while working, look down and realize that they have missed picking up their kindergartner at the bus stop and would receive a call from the school transportation department who was holding a beautiful daughter hostage. Wiping away mascara, I faced the disapproving looks of school staff mothers who would have me wear a scarlet letter "M" for gross maternal negligence. They frowned at me.

Reading Ayelet's book made me open raw wounds of how I perceive myself as loving but impostor mother in relation to the really good moms out that abound. It made me commiserate with the author about the juggling that is required of working moms and gave me comfort that I am not alone in self-scrutinizing my maternal role. Bad Mother made me understand myself and forgive myself for my shortcomings. Even, laugh about them.

In an act of solidarity I've joined these the bright, brave bloggers:

Jen Wright, (@MissIve)

Ria Sharon (@riasharon)

Suzanne Tucker (@ZenMommy)

Morgan Siler (@modernsinglemom)

Yours truly (@fleurdeleigh)

Check out Suzanne Tucker's video on

BADMOTHER: How to Stop “Should-ing” on Yourself!@#

We are taking Badmotherhood viral by discussing this powerful book, its impact on us, and we are engaging with you about the honesty of motherhood, or in my case motherhoodlam. I plan to share my inner tug-a-war, selfishness and maternal inadequacies with you. And, here's the fun part you play. In return, please make my day by sharing your voice with us. For all you Twitter folks, join us on Twitter by including the hashtag #badmother in your tweet. Check out the live feed here .

We are going live in a no holds barred discussion the day before the book hits the shelves. The brave author/poster child for Bad Mothering, Ayelet Waldman, is joining us on Monday, May 11 th, Noon EST.

We want you to lend your voice, to pop in here and take part. We welcome an genuinely honest conversation with you. And since you tend to forget things like school lunches, don't worry. Sign up below and we'll remind you that day of our sit in chat with Ayelet. We will even send you a copy of the first chapter of Bad Mother so you can express your thoughts of this great piece of stirring writing.

Step 1: Sign up below to be emailed a free first chapter of Ayelet Waldman's Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace before it is available in print.

Step 2: Have a heart to heart with your inner mother and come discuss it with us on Twitter, in our blog comment sections, on Facebook in our Bad Mother online bookclub. We strive to give every mother, good, bad or otherwise a healthy forum.

Step 3: Plan to join us for the live chat with AYELET as her honest witty self. We will post the live stream here!!!

Friday's on Twitter Rock! Because this week will find me surrounded by family for the holiday and glued to The Masters Golf action, I will not have my usual computer access. Besides, I have been feeling squished by the 140 character allotment anyway for all these 30 incredible people have done for me, personally. So, I am doing something different this week for #followfriday on Twitter.

Twitter would not have grabbed me by the lapels and pulled me in to stay if it weren't for these Tweeple. I adore these folks and feel indebted to them. I want to share them with you. They did their homework and provided three words to describe themselves (some kicking and screaming like toddlers) shown in parenthesis.

Ladies First,

@sexythinker (intense, inspirational, cool) This passionate, upbeat, futuristic professional brought me to the Twitter party...and I never left! She is the heart & soul of Talent Revolution, a cutting edge career resource community and she captains so many bright minds who I admire. Follow this young visionary and she'll lead you to a better future. Trust me. I know! Link here

@MissIve (curious, grateful, excited) I was drawn to her from her spicy, toe-to-toe quick banter, and her diverse writing abilities. Her blog is an experience like rolling down the car window on a fast drive in the fresh air. Her antics are epic. She's the "she" in shenanigans! Be prepared to play with reckless abandon. (If not, she'll twist your arm! Really will I assure you.) Link here

@StaciJShelton (positive, happy, enthusiastic) When this enchanting lady landed in my tweet stream, my world got a whole lot brighter. Combining compassion, enthusiasm, business acumen in her tweets, she operates with relentless optimism. She adds sunshine to Twitter. Follow her & you'll feel her warmth naturally. Link here

@pifphoto (driven, inspired, humble) Darling, jazzy, bright and daring, Lindsay was one of the first photographers I followed. Instantly she struck me as a giant giving spirit. She created the photographer's resource community at Pay It Forward Photo with the intention of helping others achieve their goals. I reached out to interview her because I admired her noble endeavor, she nabbed me to interview for the pif team. You'll love her, but don't believe her when she takes credit for creating Post It Notes. I did! Link here

@modbird (silly, silly, and silly) Creative and friendly, this dear Floridian has a penchant for design an a knack for sincere conversation. It is evident that she finds Twitter a nice diversion from her computer workload. She breaks away for Yoga & time with real life friends but always comes back to us :) Link here

@RootedInStyle (intuitive, loyal, fiery) She told me that she loves textures and it made sense after I understood the multiple dimension of this great gal. Her website is welcoming, visually & mentally. Take a look: Link here

@Mama_Red (passionate, powerful, joyful) She's a dynamo. This woman loves people, laughing, coffee, her family....even us "adopted" ones from Twitter. Her mom sixth sense is remarkable as she can tell when your down by the sound or lack of your tweets and she'll find you and make you all better. Wonderful boisterous heart. Link here

@GravittPro (creative, optimistic, loyal) We are consulting our parents because we think we may be photographer, mommy, married to hotties, kindred spirited sisters separated at birth. She is the ONLY other person I know who accidentally killed daughter's grow-a-frog in the disposal. We're twins. Link here

@SarahRobinson (sassy, strategic, creative) High energy, noble hearted and devoted to a cause, Sarah is in many ways the girl next door. A Maverick Mom with a golden heart. She is the Twitter hostess behind #tweepletuesday which serves as a way to introduce followers to one another. And she’s a rascal which is why I adore her! Link here

@mmcgovern (curious, creative, engaging) A renaissance women creative & bright. Her view of the world is truly one to see. She mixes fashion and form brilliantly. She makes me think…which isn’t an easy task! Link here

@AnnaKDeLeo (fabulous, fashion, passion) Stylish, smart, charming, this gal is one I know I would sit down next to and not want to leave. This Bostonian is always a good solid read.

@OPCGal (funny, caring, colorful) When I was cyber bullied, she along with several of the other folks here immediately jumped in to help. She is dear and has a warm sense of savvy humor. Link here

@MelanieO (passionate, intense, fun loving) This wine loving, clever lady is a fun follow. She chimes in with humor and advice just when you need it.

@carece (energetic, positive, engaging) Carece has grace and a business mind that makes her fun to watch. Deeply caring, I have grown to appreciate her positive tweets. She puts things in proper perspective for me. Link here

@suzanneally (truth-seeker, fun-maker, color-painter) This bright and playful artist is a neighbor of mine here in Ohio. She always ready to join the fun and makes delightful company. Link here

And Gentlemen

@imjustcreative Graham is a bit of a twitter enigma, an individual always diverting the spotlight on the highlights of others and in doing so has developed a following or grateful creative admirers. He was the first person to bring twitter to life virally for me by making me a part of the mono expressions personal portraits feature. He is a robust creative, a wealth of knowledge, wry and ethereal all in one. A must follow, super cool, humble logo chap. Link here

@adbert (silly, neighbor, friend) The music man, full of heart and soul. He frequents the Twitter & blip.fm scene like a good Samaritan. Daily he sends me a smile whether he knows it or not. He's larger than life. Link here

@r27 (open, creative, driven) This gentleman offered to lend me a creative hand unsolicited, featured me in a blog, and has helped me at every turn. He has challenged me to evaluate my professional message vastly changing what I know about design and blogging. He is a noble businessman. For him, I am indebted and I am brainstorming how to return the favor in kind. Link here

@iamkhayyam (witty, charming, foolery) He is a playmate,cohort, and genuine fun fella. He's so versatile I have a hard time defining his many links make me smarter or make me laugh typically. He'll twitter wrastle and dish some satire now and again. He has reached out to me with a genuine heart that truly admire. Link here

@mayhemstudios (spikey, haired, troublemaker) The nice guy, it guy of all things twitter and design. He'll volley a few smack talking fun tweets just to show you he's not all business. I am fairly certain, the sweet man never sleep and had 8 arms based on his work load and Twitter activity! Link here

@unmarketing (geek, happy, grumpy) Hands down the shizzle on twizzle. This Canadian is a social networking demi-god with a unconventional business approach that hits home to his 20K plus followers. Mostly, he is all heart and seems to give a part to every single person he meets. To know him is to know him and appreciate him. He changed the way I Twitter with his daily tweet and upended my experience for the positive in Twitterland. Absolute "Awesomesauce." Link here

@ricklondon (tall, dark, humble) He'll be the guy in your corner and the guy who will make you bust a gut laughing. Loads of sound, fun, tweets. He's big ol awesome! Link here

@Dragoncade (thoughtful, photographer, blogger) THE sweetest dragon on twitter. This fella will greet you hello, bid you goodnight and do it with the purest of intentions. He makes Twitter a genuine, positive, nice place. Link here

@danlopez2012 (warm, engaging, witty) Super-charged, multifaceted, motivational and funny this dad is an all around cool guy. And on top of that he is a FOCUS coach...now where was I? Super follow.

@kyleplacy (driven, stubborn, creative) He's good clean business smart Twitter. His tweets are relevant & well fed. "Socially creative," great blog content and fabulous to follow. I do remember that he locked himself out of his office so I have a soft spot in my heart for him ;) Link here

@kufarms (caring, passionate, curious) He's the down to earth guy next door, compassionate father, engaging conversationalist, and bright professional. He seems poised and ready for anything. Link here

@Jon_Aston (enthusiastic, warm, giving) He sums it up in his description but he is also playful, committed to causes and community. On one occasion in particular, this kind man was relentless in helping me stop a cyber bully. He's like a twitter big brother to me.

@c_reed (sincere, edgy, lucid) Chris Reed's style is understate and totally stated at the same time. He created my logo and is my regular go to guy for all the technical mishaps I have on a regular basis. His tweets are thoughtful, clever & bold. He & Amanda Hite made the Talent Revolution website the coolness that it is! Link here

@danieljohnsonjr (connector, inspiring, teacher) What a nice guy. Down the road from me this man seems to be a magnet for tweeple and is genuinely interested in doing good with social media. I also like that he Tweeted: "I have regular stare-downs with the man in the mirror. I remind him that he's better than he thinks he is."

@mdrisser (helpful, creative, focused) He often puts a smile on my face from a tweet with clarity, wry wit or heart. He"ll claim that he's making a mess of things but I'd venture to say the opposite. Link here

When I think about motherhood and life in general, the images that come to the forefront first are the messy, tousled, coffee stained moments I spend with my children in the hours of sunrise. Maybe this is a product of being a photographer, but literally when I close my eyes I see this way. And perhaps you can understand why I feel so fortunate, every single sleephead morning.

The other day, while I was playing a game of Trouble with my daughter (8), "Mommy's little monster" decided to bring me my coffee. Both the stain and the sweet memory of his gesture remain. My son and I share a birthday, a happy spirit, and the inability to sleep in. This two year old alarm clock yells from his crib for me to join him often before the sun. Then once released from confines of his crib, he gathers blankie and sets off to wake his sissy (not an early bird).

We all sit down and slide step by step downstairs to start our day. On school days, it's all about getting the backpack loaded, the paperwork signed, the kids fed, the weather appropriate clothing on and we dash to the bus stop.

On weekends, we laze about. Checking email, Twitter, playing games, wrestling on the floor, playing with cars, cows, or coloring books. We deliver coffee to Daddy fighting over who gets to carry the newspapers. Then I burn bacon and we all laugh and open the windows regardless of outside temperature.
We giggle, I correct, sip our juice, coffee or milk and prep for the day. They chase each other like wild fools. I referee. Max pleads his case with his Sissy "Poo-it, Scoo do & mean monsters?" and she smiles at me because it's his a.m. video of choice. And we roll our eyes knowing that I have to have my hand on the trigger to fast-forward all the "scary monster" parts for the little guy.


Regularly I think, how quickly the months, seasons, years pass. Soon these little joys will be big and creating their own morning rituals. I'll have these images to reflect on the special dawns I shared with my family.

Time should stand still for long enough for us to soak all this great stuff in, but it won't relent.

The coffee sets in as does my Type A, full speed ahead approach. As soon as my mind is fully awake, I get easily ladened with "what's next" and these precious timeless moments come to pass. The To Do list needs me. The chores, the business opportunities and the bills, responsibilities take hold.


And just like that another brilliant day ensues.

I rarely (o.k. never) go a day without Twitter impacting me. I tell a tale of the positive, educational, Tour de Force of this social networking land to everyone who will listen. A few people have asked me to help them to understand Twitter simply. So, I will remind you how to enhance your Twitter experience by using what you already know...from your Mom!

1. Hold Hands
Get out and get to know people. Take the initiative to meet new people, high five someone who deserves kudos, lend a hand to a follower in need. I started with people that I admired in the photography industry and branched out from there. Do searches on your interests to find cool folks to follow with common interests and like mindedness.

Awesome Twitter search tool: TwitPwr (link via @AlexKaris)

I typically peruse the person's Twitter homepage to be sure they are positive, engaging, and interesting. Then I "hold hands" and follow. If you need help, send me a Direct Message and I'll advise or watch Follow Friday happen for awesome suggestions of great follows.

2. Play Nice
My mom always said "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Which side of the of magnet are you?" The side that draws others in to stay or the side that repels? Scott Stratten (@unmarketing) first taught me that each day you should take some time to stop listen and reply to others in an engaging manner. Send out a few @replies to tweets that catch your eye. That type of playing nice makes Twitter rock!

3. Share
By all means, share with us your photos, your funny stories, your heartfelt causes, your hilarious links, your creative ideas and your sound opinion. There is no better global show & tell than Twitter. Don't forget to pass on through a retweet (RT) something that you find helpful or moving. Endorse your friends. They like that. It shows them you're listening while caring.

4. Never Arrive Empty Handed
Don't get stymied by having something super important to say. I have tweeted about cheese, Scooby Doo, and calling my cellphone to locate it. But Bring Something to the party. Providing value is the key with a good recipe of self expression, friendship, professional information, and promoting others.

5. Have the Best Intentions.
If you wander Twitter with good intentions, your followers will grow organically and your experience will be enriched. Ask yourself periodically what's important to you Tweet with that honest intention in mind. People who are self-serving and all about self-promotion have no "hidden" agenda. I unfollow that type of Twitter taker. Most of all, have fun with it! Right, Mom?

Leigh
@fleurdeleigh
ps. Even my MOM is on Twitter. You can do it!

The Twitter experience is nothing if not unique. How each of us tweet, how we share and what we draw from the experience creates our own Twitter Thumbprint. Nary a one the same.

When I was asked the other day, “How can I get a bunch of followers in a short time span” I drew silent. (Uncharacteristic, I know.) That is so not Twitter to me! I suddenly realized that the questioner and I were not ideological Twitter bedfellows. Clear to me was the fact that this fellow wanted numbers, big numbers, tons of cool followers for his home page. Ego buffering, perhaps. And as we spoke a bit more, I suspected that my Twitter Thumbprint which has allowed me the organic growth of a couple thousand new followers was not what he wanted out of Twitter.

I can only tell you that I find Twitter both a classroom and a playground bustling with wise teachers and hilarious playmates. The experience that I have had with Twitter these last few months has been remarkably positive. So, I will share with you my thumbprint.

Here’s how I twitter. If it resembles your intentions and goals for Twitterland, you may find it helpful. If you seek the transparent popularity that of the “10K followers in two months” folks deem possible, my thumbprint won’t suit you. And I'll fashion you a glittery "Muy Popular" paper crown.


Throw a line out.
After spending some time viewing others on the Twitter stream one day, I finally casted out my own line. Prior to that moment, my tweets were literally “What are you doing now? answers with little value to anyone but me who already knew the answer to that question in the first place. I had 67 great followers most of whom I knew in person and I followed double that. My lightbulb experience came when I began engaging in dialogue with other tweeple, retweeting what I found interesting, and seeking ways that I could do some of these awesome new followers a kindness. I shared their links, I recommended them to others, I left a sincere comment on their blog. I tweeted about it in a 140 character version of this, my Twitter mantra:

The moment when you stop viewing your followers as a SUM and see them instead as a SOMEONE, then Twitter becomes meaningful.


Be yourself, be sincere, be interested.
To truly benefit from this social networking tool you need to know your intention clearly. I am a friendly, upbeat person forever open to learning from others. So I behaved true to myself. Each time I had a new follower my first step was a visit to their home page to paruse their tweets and follow a website link. It’s easy for me to find a interesting bit about everyone, I like people, so I sent a DM thanking them for the follow with a genuine nugget about why I was glad to be following them. That’s when I started meeting many rockstar “someones.” Unfortunately, to keep greeting followers individually as they arrive has become too time consuming to maintain. Girl's gotta work, eat & sleep too.


Seek out followers with common interests.
Twitter is not one size fits all. Do a self analysis on your interests and plug it into Twitter Search. You'll be shown tweeple who are talking about that very topic. I do this every so often to get akin followers. I explained this to my mother who searched "gardening" "NCAA March Madness" and "cooking" to help her find some interesting new folks to follow. To each their own, follows.


Soak up the beauty of kindness on Twitter.
People who seek only numbers, will get only numbers. I found new true friends, creative inspiration, personal connections, support, caring, business advice and best practices, a large network of people whom I care about everyday and who in turn feed my soul. I have so many great Twitter experiences to share but this is a fine example of the sharing community that makes it so awesome: I uploaded a two hour interview off of my digital voice recorder into my Mac and it erased the files. Panic set in…I did a few somersaults to calm myself down…and then spent the next 45 minutes on hold with the technical help number.

In comes Twitter. I decided while on the phone to ask my Tweeple if anyone had a potential solution. Within a minute, four people @AzureMarcommTX @Kbzon @Mama_Red and @andypohl came to my rescue. I spent the next hour plus the phone with Andy, coincidentally from my town, who walked me through the whole thing. Crisis averted. Friendship solidified! Beer owed :)

Twitter's mark on me is pronounced (hmm. I am wearing a shirt that says "eat. sleep. tweet" for Pete's sake. That is why I wanted to share the ways that I have optimized Twitter for my enjoyment. Seek out your mark. Your Twitter thumbprint is your own.

Leigh
@fleurdeleigh

How many of us are touched by Cancer? Personally, I have lost six family members to its relentless grasp, had a personal scare of my own which makes me associate birthdays with mamograms, and feel a kinship with those who are braving Cancer.

A member of my husband's Buffalo Wild Wings team is battling stage three lung cancer and we are committed to helping him and his family. Paul has never been witness to the positive power of the social networking I believe runs rampant on sites like Twitter and Facebook so when he asked me to seek help, I told him I would go to my team (YOU, my network of fine folks) to make a difference.

Reggie Foster, father of two and active member of his church, is undergoing treatment for lung cancer his hometown of Owensboro, KY. His coworkers of the Buffalo Wild Wings team have committed themselves wholeheartedly to helping to raise 40K for Reggie & his family to defray the cost of cancer care. The BWW Running Team is lead by Directors of Operations, Peter Tomkins and Dale Gallion. My husband Paul, a Regional Manager, several other team members, family members and spouses are taking part in BWW's sponsored Run For Reggie on April 25th at Nashville's Country Music Marathon. Reggie's status and BWW's Reggie Foster Fund updates can be found at runforreggie.blogspot.com.

How can you help? Believe me, we feel the palpable economic crunch like everyone else. But Cancer doesn't have a recession. Treatments, bills, procedures continue and EVERY little bit we muster for Reggie counts.Perhaps your contribution will be a prayer for this man of great faith, a donation to the Reggie Foster Fund, or your pledge per mile or participation in one of the events in Nashville's Marathon this April. Please consider what you might do to help Reggie & his family. No one can do everything; Everyone can do something. We, the friends, family, BWW's coworkers of Reggie, sincerely appreciate your support.

Thanks for your time and support!

Please email us at runforreggie@gmail.com to make your contribution or mail your donation:

Buffalo Wild Wings
7714 Montgomery Road
Cincinnati, OH 45236
ATTN: Michelle Gould.
Please make checks out to: The Reggie Foster Fund.

Leigh Caraccioli
@fleurdeleigh